Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in wildstang77's LiveJournal:

Thursday, March 10th, 2005
11:21 pm	How it is to be 17 To Be 17.....an odd age....too old to be cute anymore, and too young to do anything "fun" or an adult.  It was my birthday Tuesday.  I have had a really good week!!  On Monday I decided to go over to Pierre to see Billy's basketball game.  It was a really good game, close, probably one the best I have seen in a long time (not just becuse I haven't been to one a good one in awhile).  I love going somewhere where you don't know hardly anyone, because you can be yourself.  I don't like being in this town where everyone knows me and everything I do and have done and who my parents are and what kind of vehicles we drive or what kind of house we live in.  It is just fun to get away and escape it all.  I took a lot of pictures and down deep into the last minute of the game the score was still tied.  There was a shooting foul at the end causing the other team to get ahead by four which pretty much sealed the game.  Billy and his team took it pretty hard, mostly everyone cried.  It's kinda weird because I ususally feel really weird around people who cry, but with him I just thought it was cute. Because he is just a big softy!!  It was a different side of him that I havent ever seen before in person, so it was really good for me to get to see that side of him.  I gave him his presents that I brought back from Hawaii, (shirt, keychain and some other things) and he seemed to like them.  He walked out to my car with me and we took some pictures, they turned out okay but not the best, we took three and in one of them one of us looks silly.  Plus he had a jawbreaker or something in his mouth...lol I asked him if he had a big dip in or something.  Silly kids!  It was a good night and I left there happy, he always seems to put me in a good mood, maybe it is just because I dont get to see him very often, or I dont know, something about his personality and how he is just makes me some certain way, like I really don't care....I dunno it a weird kinda thing.  I owe him a lot, there have been quite a few times I have had to call him deep into the night, just because I needed someone to talk to...and he has always been there.  I am tired, stressed, and peaceful all at the same time.  I am content right about now.  Tuesday on my birthday I went to Sioux Falls for the Skyforce game it was a good game, and Jane went along with me.  The Skyforce won, we sat on the bench with the players, they were funny.  They weren't paying attention very well, and they never got stressed when the game got close, the just kept their cool the whole time, something I didnt expect.  On the way home I got a call from my uncle, Todd R.(my tucks date), Daniel, and Billy.  It felt good to have all these people remember my birthday.  I was shocked.  Its Todd R.'s birthday today too, so I am gonna call him later tonight. He has just been randomly calling me again lately, its kinda wierd.  lol maybe he just missed me that much, who knows.  Tuesday was my first track practice, it is soo exciting to get back into the swing of things.  I missed it....all along I thought I was dreading it, but I wasnt I was just missing it.  It feels in a sense good to wake up and be sore and know it is because I have been lifting again.  Things are very confusing right now....I dont really know what to think, I got a very beautiful boquet from my moms friend and her kids, one from my grandma and a half dozen roses today.  I really have a love for flowers, they really cheer my day up, especailly if they are from someone, because it makes me feel like maybe someone cares....speeking of which, life has taken some odd turns there too....sometimes the people who you think will care, really dont, and it seems as if everything they have ever said or done, just doesnt matter anymore, and all of a sudden they change.  Not saying a change couldnt be for the better but it kinda sucks for me, because all of a sudden there is no time for me, a person that was once a friend to me, has moved on, I know I should be happy for people who find different callings in life, but cripes, sometimes you have to remember the people that helped you on the way to becoming the person that you once were.  I am so tired, more maybe tommorow night after work.  Current Mood: tired/stressed=thinking Current Music: All in my Head-Nelly & Tim McGraw (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
11:28 am	Hawaii was awesome, I really miss my friends I met there.  They were really awesome people, who I felt like actually cared about me....and liked me for WHO I AM!   Not because of a name or money or any other reason.....because they didnt know what my car was like or what I dress like at school.  All they knew was me and what I was like there.....the real me, the person it is hard to be around these parts because people are just so easily intimidated here.  I missed work and the people there, but mostly I just made new friends and I was totally content to never coming back....there wasnt anything to come home to, sad to say, but oh so true.  My entries aren't a bunch of in depth thoughts of mine, because quite frankly I never have time to sit back and take an indepth look at my life.  I am always keeping busy, so I don't have time to overanalyze things anymore, which used to be a major problem for me.  Hawaii is an experience I will remember, and hopefully these people that I met, that made such a huge impact on my life, will keep intouch with eachother.  Hehe, hopefully freshman year in college we can go down to Cancun to our condo....who knows....but what would be better!  It would be like a little reunion.  My coach in Hawaii, from New Mexico, he was awesome, it made me realize what kind of coaches people are talking about when they mean they really do have the best coach and that their coaches really truely do care about them, not just the athletic side of everything, but then personally as a person, because ultimately that effect their performance as an athlete.        I hate it when the boy that you want seems to be the only one that you cant have, or that wont have you.  No matter what boy talks to you and how ever much they tell you that they have changed, and however much you want to believe it,....they haven't.  Take it from someone who really really wants to believe someone special and believe that he has changed....but he hasnt and it ends up hurting her so much more in the end.  Those unfuffilled promises.....break a girls heart.  When two people believe that they are ment for eachother, they should want to make it work....not in 5 years when they are wanting to settle down....but now, so you know if you are wasting you time or not.  I am not saying that you have to stay together now until forever, but see if it will work, give it a test run.....boys don't lead your woman on so she just keeps hanging on by what you have said over an over again but never put into words.  DON'T tell her that you love her, it hurts her more, because she has loved you since forever and now she really wants to hold on to you, the person who has supposedly changed, but for some reason fails to put those changes into actions.  GEEZZZ, I miss him so much, I just want so badly to believe that he has changed, and for things to be the way that they are supposed to be, but he hasnt, not fully, some nights he is so heartfelt and I am totally in love with him over and over again, and then other nights he will blow me off and make me seem like his doormat....walkin all over me, then I am left loving him, wishing that he would just release me from his grip..... Current Mood: missing everything.... Current Music: Whiskey Girl..... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
8:39 am	HEHEHE I am in HAWAIII, and i am having a super time, but I gotta go because I am going to lay on the beach!!!!! BYE YA'LL!! Current Mood: crazy (Comment on this)
Monday, December 20th, 2004
10:23 am	A girl.... I the girl who is an athlete, very competitive and serious. I the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.  I am the girl who "has everything" but makes jumps and noone knows why. I am the girl who is talked about, carries on, and pretends not to care. I am the girl who is awake at 2 a.m. and gets the call to help him untangle his latest girlfriend mistake.  I am the girl who is one of the guys, but all she wants is to tell him what she feels. I am the girl who doesnt miss a birthday, yet sits alone on her own.  I am the girl who is confused, alone, and tired. I am the girl who works to hard, has too much expected from her and expects too much of herself.   I am the girl who is intimdating, yet is so inexcusibly intimidated. I am the girl who doesnt like to step on toes. I am the girl who procrasitinates. I am the girl who loved someone and pretended she didnt. I am the girl who lost that someone and hasnt recovered. I am the girl who is haunted by past feelings. I am the girl who yerns for him to miss me. I am the girl who lost her best friend to a guy I am the girl who checks her cell phone with no missed calls. I am the girl looking for meaning in this unmeaningful life. I am the girl who is running from the past, hiding from the present and not wanting a future. I am the girl not of legal age. I am the girl who has made many mistakes, yet regrets nothing. I am the girl who gets messed with, too forgiving to not let it happen again. I am the girl who trusts unconditionally, whether she is nieve or just has faith in the human race.  I am this girl, yet, I don't know who I am....I can't forsee anyone understanding..... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: All in my head.... (Comment on this)
Friday, December 17th, 2004
1:14 pm	3 minutes so this is quick, wow its been a long time, I have a feeling that someone is dealing with some of the same demons as I seem to be. Just for the record I know what its like believe me your not alone, and yeah I know how it goes when you miss the way they smell the person that sits next to me in a class smalls like him and chews the same gum, so it gives off that distinct fragrance, a personal smell that hits home hard....uneasy. I have totally and completely lost myself. I dont know what I am doing when, why or why the hell I end up doing some of the things I do. Its been so long since I have been able to care about something. As of now I am like a robot going to the motions, hard and cold on the inside. I am mean and bitter and turning into a worse and worse person, and I dont know how to stop my emotional slide....things are different and I don't know quite how to stop the smell, sounds, feeling, or hurt..... Current Mood: discontent Current Music: What its like to be me.....everything made to be broken... (Comment on this)
Friday, December 10th, 2004
12:12 pm	Wow, I am soo stressd out its really hard to concentrate on anything right now. I am getting really excited for Hawaii, I will be there in just a little over 2 weeks....how exciting! There is so much to do though before I leave. Plus when I get back, the quarter will be ending, so I have to make sure that I have all my homework in. Plus we are going to sell our house, and we are going to be showing it over Christmas when I am gone, so my room has to be finished before I leave....I am kind of in an ackward postition right now as far as with boys, so as for that we will have to see how that whole thing pans out.... fer now =) (Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
11:37 am	Hello, I am TIRED! wow yeah I had to work really late last night, and I got asked to work tonight again. Which was a good thing, because I need the money for nationals coming up, but I wanted to go to the Nutcracker with Kika...bummer. Oh yeah it is noted to me today that I a "manly girl" which I dont really get because I have gynormous boobs...but hey whatever floats their boat I spose. This weekend is going to be extremely busy. I think I am going to Fargo on Saturday during the day to go Christmas shopping. Sunday I will be in Sioux Falls for a bridal show with the chocolate fountain, then I have to work at 5, so I will have to hustle home! Well anyways I spose I bettter go, ttyl! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
9:52 am	MeMoRiEs.... I'm a bitch.....I have this guy who is pretty much wrapped around my little finger....who calls me every night and he is the kind of guy that when you watch the movies you think "awww what a sweetie" he hugs me and kisses my cheek, my forehead and just I dunno is sweet.  So for him I have been working on being nicer and getting over my x, which was going well, my x and I were together for about 5 1/2 months.  So I got really used to having him around (more details about that later) and I kinda ditched all my regular friends.  So now here I am with not really any friends that are my age or grade and I am still in high school....yeah that is a tough spot to be in, and it isnt like I couldnt have friends if I really wanted them I spose, I just don't really want them, I think that girls in high school are back stabbing and bitchy and full of drama drama drama, and I am not like that.....but anyways, back to the delima.  So last night I had this really weird dream about my x, and I can't get is off my mind.  In the dream we all got back together and it was just like real life, I looked the same way I look, I was wearing clothes that were in my closet, it took place at my house, and everything was exactally the way that things are in present life.  It was they weirdest thing and the dream was soo long, I didn't sleep well because in it I was tossing and turning, because I think that I was trying to determine if it was real or a dream.  So then you know when you hit that stage and you finally know it is a dream I remeber being sad, because all I want really in my heart is for things to be liek they were in the dream, I want him to come back to me and I want him to love me again and for everything to go back to normal....so in my dream I remember saying to him " I know I am dreaming this" and us deciding that we would both remember when we woke up, but really that wouldnt work.  So then my alarm clock ran and i pressed snooze and I went back to sleep and then it was fast forward like today in the school day, and when I got out of school, he calls and just said hi, like he didnt know I had the dream and he just wanted to call, but in all actuallilty we had the same dream.  WHAT KIND OF RANDOM PSYCHO PERSON THINGS OF THIS SHIT IN THEIR SLEEP!?!?!??!?!? Seriousally, I dont understand why in the hell I just can't forget him, he isnt that great, and he has a new ugly girlfriend (who he is getting some from by the way) and I dont know, it really is out there though, and oh soo confusing!  All for now..... Current Mood: lonely Current Music: lonely on the inside.... (Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
1:16 pm	Thanksgiving was great fun! I enjoyed having some time for myself and with my family, family meaning my cousin, other than that I am always with family. I am starting another job this week, waitressing, I am excited about that! I need the money for my trip to Hawaii, so it will be all worth it in the end. Thats all for now...I have to study for a test that I have to make up from like two weeks ago or something like that....eek.... Current Mood: blah Current Music: Erikas laugh......lol (Comment on this)
Friday, November 19th, 2004
11:33 am	I am just starting this and I dont really have time to go through my whole life spheal (sp?  I am a bad speller, so you will have to work through my errors sorry!) I will have to do that later, but as of right now I am soo just not wanting to be in school.  I want to be with him, you will find out later who him is.  My life is a huge jumbed mess of why I am the way I am and how I got to be the person that I am today.  I am not trying to complain and say that my life is so bad or that I have undergone some great and trying things because some people look at my life and I seem to be the person that people want to be and want to be with.  The real thing is that people dont know me and they dont know what life is like inside the walls I life in.....all for now.....you'll understand more later! ;) Current Mood: aggravated (Comment on this)